Sari...saree...sorry?

Hello, everyone! I went out and got myself a spiffy chartreuse saree on Wednesday night. Saree shopping was amazing. I can’t believe that women here can do it all the time. I was really overwhelmed by the sheer variety of colors, patterns, fabrics, stitching, flair – everything. Fortunately, I had five savvy Indian women with me (yes, five) and we were given complimentary sodas. Turns out they don't come ready made, so we had quite an adventure finding a tailor who could finish off the edges and make a top to go with it.

Shams put mehendi on my hands while we were waiting at the office for my saree top to be finished by the tailor. (I’m bringing the tube of it home and I’m fully intending on marking you all up given half the chance ;) . You have to let the henna sit on your hands for at least two hours for the color to stick and you can really move them or touch anything. So that meant a cab ride, a walk on Commercial Street (which is just like it sounds – lots and lots of shops with very little sidewalk and tons of people intermingled with vehicles), Shiny having to get the money out of my wallet to pay, getting lost during the cab ride from there to my hotel, handing my bag and room key to the bellman at my hotel to let me into my room, and having to hold a matchbox between my knees to strike a match for a well-deserved post-shopping madness cigarette. All with my hands flat. Fun! At least the hotel staff found it highly amusing.

I left the henna on my hands for almost exactly two hours and when I washed it off, the color was deep and red. I can still smell the henna on my hands – warm and earthy. It will stay for at least a week (longer if I wash my hands in lime juice with a little sugar), so those of you in Seattle might get to see the designs in person. Those of you who are not will just have to see the pictures. I’m having a tough time sending pics from my phone to my email, but rest assured I will post them as soon as possible.

Mehendi is traditionally done for brides-to-be. They have it done halfway up their arms, as well as on the feet and calves. When I was in the office today, a couple of people told me that the deeper the red of the design, the more affectionate the bride’s soon-to-be husband will be. I was told that I would have a very affectionate husband (who knew? ;)

First thing yesterday morning, I donned the saree. For those of you who know me well, showing midriff is...um...not so much Anne. That was definitely a stretch for me. That and wearing makeup and heels and having to walk like a girl, too. Scary, huh? I'll be sure to get ahold of more pictures so that you can see me with a properly folded, tucked, etc saree. It's a really complicated and lengthy process to get it right. But I felt good because all the pretty ladies at the office dressed in traditional clothing for me. Here's a pic.

I'm the one in the middle, just in case you didn't know :D Aren't the women in the office lovely?

Everyone seemed impressed by me in the saree. I heard that I looked very natural in it more than once. Isn’t that sweet? The only thing I can say is that observation pays off ;) I eventually had to take it off because I was getting the stitching caught on the buckles of my sandals, but it was certainly good while it lasted. I only hope that I can actually wrap it on my own once I get home. I didn’t spend good money for nothing ;) If worse comes to worse, I’ll search the internet for an instructional video for clueless white women.

Only 36 hours or so left in India. I’m planning a bowling outing with everyone I can convince to come tomorrow night (Mark it 8, dude). I realize that I will be completely exhausted once the evening is over and I’ll be struggling to stay awake until I get on the plane Saturday morning, but I think it will be worth it. I’m fairly certain that I will be ok (at least ok enough to sit around passively) if I can get a solid nap tomorrow afternoon. Here’s hoping!! I’m very much looking forward to seeing you all and I’ll get in touch with everyone whose number/email address I have as soon as I get back. Take care of yourselves and much love!!

It's the final countdown...

Yes, dear readers, it's only a few more days until my return to Seattle. While things have evened out and I'm enjoying myself now, I will really like being back in familiar surroundings. I've not missed much except my people and my cat. I've not really missed the food and I've been fine with the temperature, thanks to spending time in Goa.

One thing that I have missed is being able to easily communicate with people outside of work. The AMZN peeps understand what I'm saying (more often than not) and I understand them, but I've had a hard time with people at hotels, in cabs, etc. Unless I keep it to supersimple, single word sentences, I can't get my message across without multiple rephrasings.

The good news is that I've managed to muddle through and soon, it won't be an issue. In the interim, it can be rather frustrating and I've wished that I knew more Hindi on more than one occasion (although that's no guarantee that I would be understood by everyone).

Well, I should post and get back to watching bad American sitcoms and listening to the panoply of hornage on the street outside. Laters!

REVENGE!

Ever seen the movie, A Fish Called Wanda? If so, you might remember the scene where Michael Palin's character is driving a steamroller towards Kevin Kline, shouting, "Revenge!" Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's exactly how I'm feeling right now...

You see, I went out with Bala, Nick and Melinda to TGIF again and again had some vats of Long Island Iced Tea. The last time I was out there, I bet Bala $10 USD that I could drink him under the table, so he's been really focused on winning that money. His underhanded tactic for making that happen? Asking his buddies to put extra shots of TEQUILA in my drinks.

Those of you who have known me for a long time (or even a short time with alcohol involved) know that my body does not like tequila the next morning. It dents me...badly. The only place that I have been able to drink tequila and not wake up feeling like I'm having a major remodel done on the inside of my skull has been in Mexico...and that was MEXICO people!!

Bala knows that tequila hurts me the next day because I told him so - I think that's the reason I was hungover after the last TGIF outing (I had a shot of it that night). But he conspired with Nick to get it added to my drinks anyway.

मदचो! (yeah...that's right...I said the bad Hindi word)

This is a shout out directly to Bala: if you believe that making me more hungover the next morning will somehow win you my hard earned money, you are sorely mistaken. I will be more than happy to drink you under the nearest available table at any point in time, but it will be with the alcohol of my choosing. Tequila doesn't make me any more drunk than other alcohols (as you saw last night), it just makes me more bitter and angry the next morning, buddy.

Bala, you've been good to me, man and I will always appreciate and love you for it. But I swear on my mother's eyes that I will somehow make you suffer for the hangover I have this morning. I'll find a way, my friend...oh yes...yes I will. Oh yeah and Nick? You're included in this, too :P

I had five vats of LIIT (funny acronym!) and I was still sober enough to walk out the door. I was even wearing my wedges and I didn't trip/stumble/otherwise humiliate myself. HA! So there. I even managed to keep my highly inappropriate and provocative thoughts to myself. I settled for the more culturally appropriate saucy and/or cheeky. Those of you who have seen me highly intoxicated will appreciate the effort that this took on my part, considering the ease with which shocking things will roll off my tongue after a few cocktails have run over it ;)

I also had my first Cuban cigar last night since they're legal here. Fascinating. I felt like Columbo with a fine cigar. It was wonderfully aromatic and stuff, but I couldn't smoke much of it before I had to let it go out :P

Tonight, it sounds like we're headed to Purple Haze again. I'm hoping that Melinda comes along, too - she's good times :D If any of my dear readers have suggestions for appropriate revenge on the tequila twosome, please let me know. It will be awhile before my little grey cells are back up to snuff ;) Luvs!

A Request

Greetings on a Saturday afternoon, Indian Standard Time. I've been thinking about it and I realized that, while you've all been reading almost all of the minutiae of my life during my time away, I know very little about what's going on in your worlds.

That being the case, I have a simple request for all of my dear readers. If you have my email address and you're reading this blog, please send me an email to let me know what's been happening in your world while I've been gone. I don't want to be completely ignorant of what's been going on with you and I'm thinking that an email (however brief) would help me transition back into the world of my loved ones. I really do care and want to know. And, to be perfectly honest, the blogging for the next couple of days is going to be uneventful (unless you consider me hanging out in my hotel, watching the Sopranos and going out to drink "events"). Your messages will keep me from feeling like well...like I'm not home and stuff.

Thank you for your support :D

Rock the Casbah

I went back to Commercial Street last night and got my bangles - they are lovely!! They make it a little tough to type, but one has to suffer for fashion, right? :D I also picked up a bunch of souvenirs that were requested by folks back home. I only have a little more shopping to do and then I am done! Woot!

After we were done, Bala, Nick and I went to a club called Purple Haze, which plays very loud metal and rock videos. Fun! I was actually wearing earrings (I can hear the gasps of amazement from my audience ;) and my earlobes actually hurt from head banging. It's been a long time since I've done that and my neck kinda hurts, too :P Ah well, perhaps I should grow up and stop tossing my head around to music? Nah...I'll just go to the chiropractor when I get home.

And now I'm feeling sick again, dear readers. Will this *never* end? I'd like to feel normal again. Fortunately, it's not the same sickness I was feeling before, so at least the viruses and/or bacteria have gotten creative about making my life hell. Now I'm feeling like I have the makings of the flu - I was feverish and simply exhausted for most of the day. I also felt as if my mucus membranes were working overtime on the mucus part. Sorry if that's an overshare, but it's a funny line, you must admit.

Plans for traveling to Mysore have been cancelled based on how I'm feeling. The newest trainee was out for the last two days of the week because his wife was having a baby (Congratulations to Azeez on his new baby boy!!) so I have to have to have to be in the office for the full week so that I can spend as much time as possible. Traveling for at a minimum of six hours, walking around all day in a new place, etcetera seemed to me to be a recipe for sick time during the work week. I'm nothing if not committed (or at the very least, I should be...to some nice, calm, padded place where a pill cart comes by regularly).

Sounds like the weekend will be pretty quiet overall. I'm planning to go out to Purple Haze again tomorrow night. Everyone was trying to get me to go out tonight and jam again, but I just couldn't bear it. I think this is the longest that I have consistently had alcohol and it's depressing my poor widdle immune system (along with a profound lack of sleep).

I think that this is enough for the moment. Love to youse guys!

I don't know whether or not you all remember...

But mosquito bites suck. I mean, first they suck your blood and the after effects suck, too. I got my legs savaged on Sunday night and I'm itching like...well...I can't come up with an apt simile at this point, but it's maddening. It's only a few more days. I suppose I can hack it.

Shamala tacked on my first bindi today. Here's a pic for y'all taken with my handy dandy cell.

I took another pic, but I look kinda psycho, so I'm posting this one instead.

New hotel is sweet still, except for the fact that the power has gone off for a few seconds about five times since I returned to my room. I keep forgetting that stability is not really this place. Kali rules here, people! Speaking of which, I need to gets me some statuary. Hopefully from that sweet sandalwood shop that Tim visited.

I'm going out to get my bangles and a sari tomorrow. Should be interesting! I'm planning to get everyone else their trinkets, too if I can. We shall see how the finances hold out!! Here's hoping that Tim has bought lots of mac and cheese and/or top ramen for my return. Otherwise, I might be fighting Viggo for his food. I'm sure that that, coupled with my long absence, will further endear me to the fuzzy, demanding one. Maybe I should tell him that cats are good eating in some Indian states?

Blah blah blah...clearly, I'm needing to ramble on via blog as I have rambled from hotel to hotel in this city. Speaking of which, as I was about to check out of my second hotel, the power went out and I had to wait for 20 minutes before I could do so. Good times.

Dunno if I'm going to be able to go to Mysore this weekend. I kinda want to get out of the city and I kinda don't want to spend the money and/or swelter. We'll see how persuasive my AMZN colleagues are, won't we? Luv 'n' stuff.

I'm just a rambling rose...

and the saga continues. They switched my hotel *again* because the old hotel management knows where I moved. I've also had my own personal cab driver assigned to me as well. If I wasn't so tired, I would be flattered by all the precautions being taken (now) with my person. If you want my new number, please email...it shouldn't change within the next 24 hours or so ;)

The new hotel is SUPERPOSH. Seriously. I had little bottles of alcohol, flowers and chocolates in my room when I arrived. As far as the internet goes, rather than having to bumble around on my own for awhile before contacting IT, they sent an IT guy directly to my room to get it set up for me. The first time. Wow.

And the extension has been approved, so I won't be coming home early. At least I'll have fresh chocolates every day ;)

Hopefully, things will be more stable from this point. They will certainly be more comfortable in that no one, except for the people at work, will know where I'm staying. That's a relief. Thank you all for your long distance support - I can't tell you how much it means. I just wish that I wasn't so numb inside right now. I'm not even homesick, I'm so numb.

Curioser and curioser

Things just keep getting more and more interesting (i.e., crappy), folks. Who knew?

I stayed at the hotel rather than go to work because I felt like I was having a series of icepicks lovingly inserted into various parts of my belly and was trying to just sleep. Then I got a phone call from the female asst general manager from my old hotel. She was in the lobby of my new hotel and wanted to talk to me. While I was in the process of getting ready, Shamala called and told me that the general manager came to the office today WITH THE TV GUY. Yeah...so he now knows where I work. Great. Just great. I told her that this asst manager was here to talk to me and she said that she would call and tell her not to bother. I told Shams that I might as well just talk to her and let her know exactly what happened.

The manager was very nice and bought me flowers as a token (of course I still haven't gotten the vase that I asked the front desk for, so who knows if they will still be alive in the morning). I told her what transpired and it turns out that the guy did something wrong from the very beginning - he closed the door to the room and didn't have a female staff person along. That is strictly prohibited. She wants to turn this guy over to the police for this. Unless the laws are radically different over here, I don't see what they can do to the guy. Turns out also that our travel person told their management team that it had all happened on Friday, not Thursday and that she couldn't tell anyone because all the managers had gone home. Talk about revisionist history.

The manager took my damaged clothes with her in the hopes that she could get them fixed by "the best laundry in Bangalore." She will hopefully return them to me on Tuesday. We'll see. Sounds like she will actually compensate me for their real value if she is unable to get them fixed. She also offered me free meals this visit and/or a free stay the next time. It was really funny to me - she said that I had been really polite about the whole thing; she would have slapped him and kicked him out of the room, etc. I explained that I am old enough to know what he was trying to do and I would have hurt him if he had tried to touch me, that I figured that he would leave once the room service guy came and that he wouldn't come back.

At least the intestinal cramps subsided long enough for me to talk to this woman. The really crappy part is that I was feeling like I could work this afternoon and the internet at the new hotel was out. Now that the internet is back up, they have started again.

Now there's a new kink in the works. Turns out that my stay isn't supposed to last more than 14 days. Ummm...what? It's not like the length of my stay was a mystery before I left or anything. Part of me would be happy to pack up and be gone tomorrow. I'm feeling really discombobulated. The other part of me wants to stay for the whole time and really do my best for the team, you know? Ah...what a wonderful thing an overdeveloped sense of responsibility is ;)

I will most likely get an approval for an extension and stay until the scheduled end of my trip. If not, rest assured that I will let you all know when to expect my sorry ass back in Seattle, dear readers. I love and miss you!

New place

So, I'm in a new hotel, The Capitol. It's much more of a Western style hotel with carpet on the floor so that it will be quieter. If you want my number here, please send me an email. I've actually got a complimentary mini-bar and my room looks out on to a very nice tree rather than burning trash.

Allow me to share the fiasco of getting out of the last hotel. So, I call Shamala to tell her about the guy coming back and she calls the travel person. She called me back, told me that she had made arrangements at this new hotel and that a cab would be there for me in 15 minutes. That was around 10am. I figured that would give me enough time to get finished packing and check out.

I got down to the front desk to checkout and I was asked by the front desk manager what had happened. I started to explain, but I was interrupted by her taking a phone call. I told her about my laundry as well and she was kind enough to compensate me for 815 rupees. Yeah...so I got about $20 for about $70 in clothes that were ruined. Thanks!

She asked me about the man that had come to my room and proceeded to parade a variety of men in front of me that weren't the TV man. I tried to describe him and she finally brought him out from the back. I said that it was him and I actually told him that it was really stupid of him to come back...he never should have come back. That's just DUMB. If he hadn't come back, the hotel would have gotten spanked, but they wouldn't have lost another two weeks worth of room charges. Think he lost his job? Hmmm...maybe.

At any rate, this was fortunately after the manager had already printed up my bill and I had signed for everything. Of course, after I had identified him and said my piece, she started talking to him at length. I finally asked if we were done and I left. Someone tried to get my bags and help me out the door and I told them that I had it. For those of you who have seen the angry Anne, she was out in near-ballistic form.

I got outside, fully anticipating that the cab would be waiting since it had been so long since I had talked to the travel lady. But, no. No cab. I flaunted convention and started smoking outside. Fortunately, I knew Nick from the AMZN UK office arrived yesterday and this gentleman wandered outside wearing short pants. I had a feeling it was him and I was right! He stood and talked to me while I waited. And waited. And waited.

At 11am, I went back into the hotel and asked to call the travel lady. She said that a cab would be there in 5-10 minutes. She was close - it was only another half hour. At least I got to talk England with Nick and give him my partially used internet card before I left.

So when I got to the new hotel, I was unable to connect to the new wireless network. Turns out that the network guy at the old hotel had set a static IP and I had forgotten about it (BASTARD!). At any rate, looks like AMZN is going to have to pay for network help at the new hotel as a result of the poor service at the old hotel. That's sad.

This whole thing has been sad overall. If I wasn't feeling isolated before, I'm certainly feeling that way now. At least the new room is nice and I made plans to have dinner with Nick at the Keebab House where Tim and I ate on his last night. Nick is here for three weeks and this is the first time he's been away from his wife since they married five years ago, so he's already feeling lonely. I know that I will welcome having another Westerner around :)

Ok - I'm going to sign off, order some food and try to put the events of the last few hours out of my head. Blog at you later!

It's official

I'm freaking out. That TV repairman? Yeah...he rang my doorbell at 7:45 am this morning for no reason. I'm moving hotels. I'll keep you all posted as to where I go from here, but I'm sure as hell not staying here after tonight.

Oh yeah - and can I just say that I'm really pissed at the travel team at the AMZN office for not actually addressing this issue with the hotel on Friday as I was told they would. If they had, I wouldn't be in this situation right now. Thanks for making my stay so pleasant and comfortable - oh wait, you haven't. So you are cordially invited to go perform an act of auto-eroticism, k?

Notes for Traveling in India

Hi all! I'm blogging like a madwoman now, aren't I? I think it's because Tim is gone and I feel like this is one way that I can stay in touch with everyone...stay a bit grounded. It's now officially my weekend and although I have some work to do, I'm feeling like I'm at loose ends. That could just be my gastro-intestinal tract, though ;)

Yes, my friends, my guts are wobbly. I knew it would happen sooner rather than later, mainly because I'm an adventurous soul in terms of cuisine, following local customs, etc. I'm hoping to be in some semblance of order before Monday. I'm sure it will work itself out. I'm not feeling bad per se or having any other problems, so I think it will be fine. Besides, I have more immodium than any one person has any right to have since Tim left me his stash :D

So...yeah...if you travel to India, be prepared for this type of thing. Also, be prepared for the recycling of some bad American movies and television, although I did get to see an episode or two of House and Numb3rs (which are certainly palatable). I'm sure that you will find it amusing that the movie on HBO right now is Junior...that awful movie with the current governor of CA and Danny DeVito where Arnold is pregnant? Yeah...HIGH ART ;) I'm really hoping that Melinda at work remembers to bring me in the first season of the Sopranos like she said she would. Even though I've seen all the episodes multiple times, it's one of those things that don't fade over time for me.

Another thing - don't bother with traveler's checks. TOTAL HASSLE. Last night, I cashed the last of them at this rather seedy little foreign exchange. The guy exchanging them wanted to walk off to some place to get a photocopy of my passport. Uhhh....neh...not happening. As soon as he said he had to go around the block, I said I will go with you. No one EVER is allowed to take my passport and go elsewhere. If you doubt my resolve in this matter, just ask Amy W. and Tim, who got to hear me rant about having to send off my passport to get my Indian visa :D

I'm very happy that I did follow the guy (at close enough range to tackle his scrawny ass if I had to ;) because he had to walk around more than just one block to get to the copy wallah. Shiny came with me because she was worried, too. It was fine and the exchange rate was decent (they only took 1% off the top).

Be prepared for staring...lots and lots of staring. It happens all the time, everywhere. If you're a woman and traveling in summer, I would strongly suggest being conservative in your dress. I brought a bunch of tank tops that are hardly provocative back home and I have always worn a scarf over my shoulders when out in public here. I'm getting checked out enough wearing capri pants - I can't imagine the eyepopping and gawping I would have to cope with if my bare shoulders were exposed (racy ;).

As Tim has documented in his blog, crossing the street is um...well...hair raising. Last night, I ran across a busy street like I'm accustomed to doing at home when there is enough of a break in traffic (which there was) and I think I almost gave Shamala and Shiny heart attacks.

Let me put it to you this way, Shamala made me hold her hand the next time we crossed the street :) She told me it was because she was scared, but I think it's because she was scared of my pedestrian habits. If you're reading this, Shams, know that I value your protection of me very very much. I don't want anyone here to have to make a "I regret to inform you that Anne has died of injuries inflicted by a rampant rickshaw" call whilst I'm here. Fortunately, no one back home will have to inform my family and friends of any such event because we don't have rickshaws back there ;)

If you come to Bangalore, be prepared to see eagles. There are some bald eagles flying around that are smaller and more reddish that the kind we have in the States. I have to find out what the other eagles are called. If you come to the AMZN office and are brave enough to deal with the porta-potty smell on the smoking balcony, you might actually be fortunate to look down upon an eagle as it's flying by.

I can't tell you how magical that is for me. I have always loved watching raptors soaring, but I've never had the chance to see one soaring on thermals from above. Fantastic. Watching them search for prey, the variations in their feathers...magic. I do have to mention that several people on the balcony have been flown into by eagles while standing out there - just FYI :D From watching them flying close to the balcony, I think it's because they are so focused on what's beneath them, they fail to notice what's beside them and BAM. Eagle to the brainpan. Everyone has recovered ok - although one person has a little scar on his forehead a la Harry Potter.

Be prepared for late dinners, as well. My hotel and most other places don't start serving until 7:30pm. And prepare yourself for lots and lots of food. When I told everyone that I had had a masala dose (doe-sah) for dinner (essentially a crepe made out of that same fermented batter I've written about before), they were surprised that that was all I had to eat. The fact that it was about 20 inches in diameter, filled with cheese and had to be folded so that it would fit on the plate didn't seem to matter :)

I'm sure that I'll have something more to say tomorrow when I'm all alone :*( It's not that bad, dear readers!! I'm just being funny - seriously. Everyone is very very good to me here (some wanting to be better than others ;) and I'm not feeling that lonely yet. I'm certain that I will blog about it once I have hit that point and be begging you all for comments/emails/virtual loves.

Next weekend I will hopefully be traveling to Mysore with some friends from work, so I'll have more to blog about than the trials and tribulations of the office and general environs of Bangalore. Much love to you all!!

Thunderstorms and sparkly things

Who knew that leaving my umbrella at home was a bad idea? I thought that Bangalore didn't get rain this time of year, but there was a serious thunderstorm last night. The amount of lightning was incredible. I could smell the ozone through my window and the sky just danced with light. It was fantastic - it seems like forever since I've seen a real storm. Seattle's mostly drizzly or soft rain which rarely includes the majesty of thunder and lightning.

The unfortunate side effect has been a drastic increase in humidity and mosquitoes. Stupid midges biting my ankles. I'm very happy that I've been taking my malaria pills.

I went out with Shiny and Shamala to the most exquisite silver jewelry store tonight. Those of you who know my penchant for stones and silver know just how big of a dent that put in my purse, too!! Damn good thing that my food is almost exclusively paid for while I'm here. Otherwise, I'd starve with pretty sparkly things adorning my corpse ;)

I got some awesome things for other people, too. I hope that you each like them - I picked them especially for you and I can only hope that my instincts were on. If not, then I'm certain you can re-gift them at some point ;) I'm consoling myself with the idea that I will most likely only ever be in India once and I have to get all the trinkets I can while I can.

I'm getting a special set of of silver bangles made for me. As you know, I have man hands and the delicate circumference of normal silver bracelets is simply too small to fit over them. So I'm spending some serious cash to have them made to my specifications, including their thickness. They should be awesome when they're done. I'm picking them up on April 19th, which is a special day. The belief is that any weight in silver or gold purchased on this day will be doubled on the same day the following year. Wouldn't that be great?

OK - I should close for the moment. I have to be in the office tomorrow to make up for missing Monday due to being in Goa. I think it was worth a one day weekend :D Luvs!

One funny postscript - when I returned to my room tonight, I discovered that my TV was out again. Rather than having a repeat of a bad 70's porn flick plot, I fixed it myself. How, you ask? By folding up one of the cardboard slats used to fold my damaged laundry and wedging it against the plug. Worked like a charm ;)

Are you kidding me??!?!

So yeah...I realize that this is two posts in a day, but OMG I have to share this...

I get back to my room after confirming that the workmen have left and I discover that my TV is not working any more. So I call the front desk and they send someone. Well, it's a 20 year old boy someone who, after jiggling the plug, etc, gets the TV to work and doesn't leave. He proceeds to flip channels, ask questions about me in poor English, half watch a cricket match, and after finding out that I'm a little tired (I figured it was safer to say that I was a little tired rather than a little drunk ;), he suggests a massage. WOW. WOW. WOW.

Fortunately, I had ordered room service before he arrived and, as soon as the guy came with my food, he started fiddling with the cord again, knocking out the TV, etc. The room service man (thank god!) left the door open on his way out and after fixing the TV *again*, the TV repairman shakes my hand (a little too long and firmly for an Indian - trust me, I've shaken enough Indian hands at this point to know) and then, as he's leaving, he asks if he should come back later. Umm..what?! Unfortunately, I haven't gotten the yes/no head movements straight here, so he initially thought I was saying yes. I had to make it clear that I was saying no. I mean, no...no.

Hey - at least it gave me a funny story to tell (after all the funniness of the day) and I got some compliments on my arm tattoo and the ring I was wearing. Dude...I mean seriously WOW.

Oh...and I got my first load of laundry back from the laundry service tonight and there are bleach spots on two of the items I sent in. Would it be wrong of me to just go off at this point? I could throw serious American style smack down on the hotel staff right now...

Night all! (And yes, I'm locking my door before I sleep - really really locking my door :)

Irony - kinda like bronzy and goldy, except with iron

landscaping being done on the AMZN building before it's a complete building that one can enter through a lobby rather than a side door

elevator flair being installed before floors are done

lights and A/C randomly going off/up/down, but computers staying on

going outside to smoke and feeling like I'm trapped in a porta-potty

being asked for directions to my hotel by my AMZN cab driver (who proceeded to get lost even after asking directions from several rickshaw drivers/random people on the street)

walking into my hotel room and expecting it to be vacant, but finding several large Indian men standing around another man standing on my TV stand repairing my A/C with a large shop vac on the floor

going downstairs to a place called "saloon" in my hotel expecting a bar with beer and walking into a hair salon

knowing more about how to reconnect to a wireless network than the IT "expert" at my hotel (thanks for doing a disk cleanup on my computer, though, buddy - really appreciate it!)

asking for a pack of Silk Cuts from the cigarette display case in the actual bar of the hotel and finding out that those are just for "giving away"

Those are just a few examples of irony from my day (yes, that would be *one* day ;) Most of them actually happened in the last hour or so. I'm so happy that I'm an adaptable creature by nature and willing to roll with the punches as they say.

Work is good overall - everyone is very sweet and the trainees are learning well. Tim and I have different styles, so I'm not sure if I'm confusing them, but I'm doing my best. We had a team building meeting for the last hour of the day and everyone drew slips (chits in the common parlance here) with a name on them. We then had to go around the room and say three things that we liked about them. Of course, I ended up getting someone's name that I didn't really know (Ramya) and had only really interacted with at breakfast that morning. Fortunately, I can come up with several things that are good about just about anyone, so I was able to compliment her effectively :D She's a very friendly lady, has a great smile and she looks great in purple!

She got me as well and said that I am talkative (yes - clearly she has met me when I'm not sick/sleep deprived/cranky), have a nice, naughty smile (really? naughty? Comments from people who know me, please ;), and that I am doing my best to fit in. She mentioned that I had learned a few Hindi words before arriving (I had spared her that awesome curse word that everyone I traveled with to Goa is afraid I will break out in polite company) and she brought up how I had eaten my breakfast that morning.

You see, we had the Indian version of doughnuts and another steamed dumpling-like thing that is made from ground rice/pulse and fermented overnight. I've had it other mornings, but it's been fried like a pancake and very flat with bubbles. The batter is the same, but this morning, it was steamed instead (everyone I ate with was impressed that I remembered about the fermentation of the grain, etc from before). So, many of the people were eating it with the savory tomato based gravy by cutting it up with a spoon, placing it in the bowl with the gravy and then spooning it into the mouth. Others had placed the doughnuts and dumplings on the plate and spooned gravy on to the plate, too. Then they broke up the dumpling with their fingers and mashed it together with the gravy, popping the ball of gravy dumpling in their mouths afterward.

Well, I watched the people I was with eating it with a spoon initially. Then I noticed the others using their fingers. Turns out that eating it with the fingers is called, "Kerala style" for a state on the coast where a lot of the people who work there are from. Being the game person I am, I tried it both ways :D Clearly, this was impressive to them and everyone smiled and smiled at me. On some levels, I felt like a total child who has accomplished something unexpected. It's not a bad thing *at all* - it's just that I'm used to feeling really competent and mature in my own domain :P

Yes, dear readers, I feel like a total novice here. It's been a long time since I've worked with claims and a lot has changed. I'm not feeling like a total incompetent or anything, but I *know* that I'm spending too much time thinking about very low value claims. It's like every synaptic transit in my brain is worth $1 and I end up spending $100 for a $25 claim! I'll get over it, I'm sure...eventually ;)

And then you have the new culture. I can't tell you how many times this afternoon I wanted to break out that Hindi curse word out of sheer frustration. Like on the cab ride home...

The driver had gotten a series of directions and was actually on the right track when he stopped and asked for directions again. I recognized Crescent Road, which is where my hotel is located, because I had walked around my first day here. I knew that the hotel I was looking at was at the other end of the street from my hotel. I told the driver that it was Crescent Road and he of course confirmed with the random person he was talking to. He pulled down the street and stopped at the first hotel, which is not my hotel. I told him to keep going, that it was down the street. The phrases, "Keep going," "Go straight" and "It's up ahead" didn't work, so he asked someone on the street *again.* He proceeded up the street after confirming with the random people and then, rather than pulling into the driveway of the hotel, which all my other drivers have done, he stopped across the street. This is, of course, *after* he was driving almost the whole length of the street on the wrong side, which is actually the side of the street where my hotel is. Fortunately, I only had one near miss with a motorcycle while crossing the street to the hotel.

I'm so happy that this blog is being read by so many - that way, I don't have to feel apologetic about being so long winded. I'm sure that Tim had his fill of my rambling emails while he was gone. I don't know whether or not you all have noticed this, but I can be rather verbose (i.e., can't shut the hell up), particularly if given a keyboard and wide open virtual space.

So, dear readers, laugh and laugh as you read the ironic adventures of my day. It will make me happy to know that you all are as amused by this as I am :D Especially after the 1.5 tall boy Kingfisher beers I have had in the (actual) bar while typing this to you!

Oh yeah - a couple of things before I go. (I can hear the, "Geeeeezzzzzz, aren't you done YET, Anne" coming from all of you, but you can stop reading at any time, you know ;)

During the team building, a couple of things came up that I had neglected to mention at the trip to Goa. One was about the night crossing of the river. Deep said that I was very brave because I had come back across the river to guide everyone who was still on the other side to safety - that really touched me, mainly because I had forgotten about it. It's one of those things that I didn't think twice about doing. Again, there is a thin line between brave and stupid ;)

The other was Hari talking about how good I was riding on the back of the bike, that I was a good sport, etc. Again, brave is really close to stupid. If you're reading this, Hari, know that I'm just kidding ;D

The last thing that I will bring up is a Goa experience that I didn't mention in my last post. While we were on Anjuna beach, hiding from the sun on some lounge chairs with umbrellas over them, a couple of cows wandered up. They harassed some other people before coming over to us. One of them proceeded to latch on to the remaining quarter slice of naan we had sitting on the chair. Gulped it right down, he/she/it did! Then, after rubbing its snout in the masala sauce left on the plate, it decided that it was thirsty (which was indicated by pursuit of our water bottle), so I dumped some water out on a spare plate for it. It seemed relatively satisfied after a dabble or two and wandered off. Just so you have a frame of reference, here's a picture that Tim took as the cow was going for the naan.

Dude - COWS ON A BEACH?!?! The only quadrupeds that I'm accustomed to seeing on a beach are dogs and horses. Not now. My mind has been officially expanded.

Oh and another thing - my camera is dead. Turns out that plugging it in using the AC adapter doesn't actually charge the battery. Yes...it's true. Curses for not reading the manual before I left to confirm (I mean, really, who woulda thunk?) , not bringing my docking station and for not getting Tim's camera before he left. Rassum frat. I'm going to try and get a battery charger tomorrow, but I can't make any guarantees. If worse comes to worse, I will definitely buy some disposable cameras to photo-document any travels/outings I go on.

OK - I think that this is officially enough. I think I'm going to go upstairs and see if my room is free from Indian men at this point so that I can maybe order some dinner and mellow before my conference call with my fabulous team at 9pm. One last thing (and the groans from my audience are palpable at this point) - if any of you chuckled at the title of this entry, I can't take credit for it. It's a quote from Baldrick in an episode of Blackadder. For those of you who like British comedies and haven't seen the series, you MUST. I mean, seriously, go out and rent at least the second and third seasons forthwith.

Love to you all!!

Goa rules

It's been only a few days, but I feel like it's been a really long time. How are you, dear readers? Please - allow me to share some of the wonderful and hysterically funny things that have happened while I've been away.

On Saturday, a pack of us (nine total) flew to the lovely beaches of Goa। First, please allow me to sincerely thank Nicole Johnson for getting married in Mexico this past December. It truly prepared me to deal with excessive heat and humidity - otherwise I would have been really really hurting :P

The beaches were beautiful and the sea warm at night, though. That was the time we went out the most - it was just too hot during the day. The first night, we had the most fantastic garlic butter tiger prawns. The tails were almost as big as some lobster tails that I've had! We crossed a river on foot to get to the beaches easily (we didn't have scooters/motorcycles at that point). Turns out that it had a bunch of rocks in it that I didn't notice in the evening light, but I did notice the ropes and anchors keeping the small boats in the river mouth because we had to climb over them ;)

At any rate, we played in the surf and had a great time. Tim has a great story about his shoes, which I will let him tell himself. All I will say is this: Sometimes it's necessary to let go of everything to get it all back.

On the way back, the tide had come in and the river was higher, naturally. Tim and I had good solid surf shoes on, so the rocks were no problem. However, not everyone else did and I think almost everyone got a cut or two. Poor Mainak had some deep gashes (one of which started dripping with blood the next morning!!) and Bala had some deep ones, too. Shamala got a small cut/scrape on her ankle, but it's since gotten infected and she's really suffering (send her some healing energy, k?). Tim actually had to carry her back to the shore.

The next day, we went to Anjuna beach and I got totally glommed on by vendors ("You're my first customer of the day - I don't want bad luck."). One little girl made me promise to come back to her shop (turns out everyone tries to extract a promise to come to their shop) and when I was trying to haggle with her, she said, "Are you trying to kill me?" I can't tell you how funny it was to hear those words coming out of her mouth after hearing other women say the same thing about lowering the price.

I got some ok stuff - most of it was cheap of course and built for the tourist trade. I got some really cool silver bangles that looked great, but rusted after I swam with them in the ocean. Yeah - threw those away.

We drank some beer and walked down the beach. I got pinged again and again by young women with stalls they wanted me to visit. All of them asked my name, where I was from, etc. Some of them had tattoos on their inner arms with their names and a small symbol (one was a beautiful lotus and the other was a butterfly). One girl came up to me and said, "You are very white...white like a chicken." I laughed and laughed and laughed. Never heard that one before ;P I know that she wasn't actively trying to insult me because she was trying to make a sale - I should have told her that comparisons to poultry aren't complimentary for Western women.

After a day spent hiding from the sun and drinking massive amounts of beer, we met up with the others on the beach at night for more alcohol and food. Funny enough, I still managed to get a little sunburnt - I ended up looking like undercooked chicken ;)

Most of us rode around on scooters Sunday to get places. I was the lucky one who got to ride on the back of a Honda Hero motorcycle with the very capable Hari driving. WOW. It's a very good thing I did a lot of cycle riding as a youngster - otherwise it would have been scary! The traffic was definitely not as bad as Bangalore. I would NEVER do that in town - I'd die of a heart attack before we got to our destination!!

Speaking of which, I'm actually starting to derive some meaning from various honks - like "I'm passing you" and "I want to pass you" and "Get out of the way" etc etc.

We left on Monday and the taxi ride took forever. Imagine if you will nine people jammed into a van in very very hot sun for about an hour and a half. Talk about crank factor!! I know that I was cranky and Tim wasn't happy either. But that's traveling for you. Our flight out was about an hour delayed and required a bus ride across tarmac to get there. Fun!

One awesome thing happened the morning we left. There were three dogs at the place where we stayed and one of them was a total cutie. She really liked Tim and me. The other was an old male who looked grizzled and acted it. The third was this young male with a curled tail. When I went for a short walk to smoke, all three of them followed me and wrestled with each other. I started making the same "rrrrr" noises they were making and they proceeded to try to include me in the fun. Given that the female had been lovingly mouthing a dead rat earlier, I wasn't really into playing along ;)

One last thing before I close - the place where we stayed had the only espresso around and the best omelettes ever!! It was fantastic and fantastically cheap, too :D

Gotta work now. Consider yourselves hugged!!

Oh Alcohol

So...TGIF was a hoot and a holler as they say. Sometimes I'm amazed at my capacity to make rather an ass of myself under the influence of alcohol. I think it's ok - I mean, no one has shunned me at the office or anything ;) 'm fortunately not *that* hungover and I remember everything, including the fact that I was not my normally inappropriate self while intoxicated. But I ask you, dear readers, how could I not be rather an ass after having four of these vats of Long Island Ice Tea?


Bala (an AMZN buddy) not only stole me a Power Puff Girl button from the flair on one of his waiter friend's vest, but he got me a Welcome to India cake as well. Turns out, it's traditional to paint people's faces with chocolate. If you're interested in some pics, check 'em out here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/45483793@N00/?saved=1

We're off to Goa in a few hours and I won't be online for awhile as a result. Rest assured that I will have many more highly amusing tales to tell upon my return. Joy!

Love to you all!

Horns and Heat

Namaste, dear readers! Or should I type "नमस्ते" instead?

I have made it to Bangalore in one piece and I haven't died from heat exhaustion yet - although I'm not eliminating the possibility at this point :P

After I got in yesterday, I had most of the day to myself as Tim needed to work (boo! hiss!). I actually ventured out by myself for an hour. What an adventure...

One thing that it near constant here is horn honking and it happens at all hours (my cab driver from the airport kept honking even though it was 4am and there was no one around - maybe he likes to hear the sound of his own horn? I could put in bad pun about him liking to toot his own horn, but that wouldn't be fun for anyone, would it? ;)

Horns seem to be the primary mode of communication while driving - most of it appears to be a friendly reminder to get out of the way (lanes and signaling are kinda optional) rather than the impatient berating they normally connote in the States.

It makes sense given that the streets are a total free for all - pedestrians included. There are sidewalks, but they are narrow and usually blocked by gangs of smoking men (who like to stare at strange white women wandering around like they know where they are going ;). They are also pretty poorly paved and strewn with hazards like uplifted paving stones and piles of rubble.

So, being the game (i.e., crazy) person that I am, I rose to the challenge and walked in the street like a local. It went fairly well - I only almost got run over by motorcycles twice! One guy started up his bike and almost pulled out right into me. Fortunately, I had not a problem in the world slapping my hand down on his ferring (sp?) and navigating around him.

Right now, I'm in the office because I couldn't handle another day on my own sitting in the hotel room. Everyone here is so nice and they were appropriately amused by the few Hindi words that I have learned (including one particularly nasty curse word that I plan on breaking out as a "shock and awe" tactic if necessary).

I had my first mango shake this morning for breakfast and it was divine. I was incredibly excited to learn that I won't miss out on the beginning of mango season here - another two weeks and they will be ripe for the picking and eating with wild abandon. Yum!

Tonight I will be going to Thank Ganesh It's Friday (TGIF) with the gang. I've heard that it is acceptable for women to wear pants and even (gasp!) smoke there. Wow - I can have a cocktail *and* a cigarette at the same time and no one will stare. Unless, of course, I break out that nasty curse word in a loud voice after a few too many - I will do my best to keep 4+ cocktail Anne in check. I am here as an ambassador from the States and have to keep up some semblance of cool, hip professionalism, right? Oh wait...this is *me* we're talking about. How about I make you all a deal that I won't end up in jail? ;)

We're also in the midst of planning a trip to Goa for Tim's last weekend. I will get him out of Karnataka state before he leaves the country! WOOHOO! There will be beaches and water and stuff. Granted, it will be smoking hot, but there will be water...nice, cool water.

And just cuz I think it's hysterically funny, here's your Shakespearean quote of the day:

"Thou art a very ragged Wart."

Much love!

~A~

ब्य वय ऑफ़ इन्त्रोदुच्शन

That is actually, "By way of introduction" in Hindi using this radical transliteration feature on this blogsite. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttt :D

Off to India in almost hours now, instead of days. I'm sure that it will be a mind-expanding experience and I had to take live typhoid vaccine to get there! On many levels, I am looking forward to the trip and on others I am dreading it. Open hearted people, an Eastern culture, multiple languages...with heat, pollution, poverty. Wow. I am so happy I will have Tim around to transition a bit before the real deal hits :D Much respect to you for going first into uncharted waters, TimmaH!!

So...I've decided that since I got Stephen Fry's The Ode Less Traveled, I should write at least a poem a week while I'm there. Get ready for some sonnets! Seriously, though...I know that I have mentioned this to many of you, dear readers, but I am posting it here to keep me honest!!

At any rate, tune in for the next episode of "Traveling on the Company Dime."

ब्लेस यू अल (Bless you all ;)